172 - Esther Perel: Trauma, how narratives shape our worldview, and accepting uncomfortable emotions

Summary

In this podcast episode, the guest discusses her experience growing up in a Jewish community of Holocaust survivors and the impact it had on her outlook on life. She attributes her parents' ability to survive and thrive after the trauma to a sense of community and traditional healing practices. The guest also discusses her complicated relationship with her mother and how it influenced her career in psychology and family therapy. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the patient's function in the family and shares her personal experience seeking out mentors and learning from them.

The guest also discusses how sexuality can be viewed as a lens into society and culture, and how it can tell a story of values, behaviors, attitudes towards the body, pleasure, power, connection, and the division of spirit and flesh. She talks about three main sexual revolutions and the history of medicine and psychotherapy. Her clinical work focuses on couples therapy, trauma-based therapy, and individuals whose issues go beyond or do not include sexuality. The guest suggests that the purpose of a person's life is not happiness but worthiness.

The speakers also discuss the concept of child-rearing and how it has shifted from a pre-established universal set of stages to a more flexible and responsive approach. They talk about how people come to therapy with entrenched narratives about themselves and others that may not be serving them well, and the goal of therapy is to reframe these narratives and help clients find a new, more adaptive story that can improve their relationships and overall well-being. The importance of willpower in therapy is also discussed, with a focus on the moment when each partner in couples therapy becomes more interested in how they can be better rather than what the other partner is doing wrong.

Overall, the podcast episode highlights the importance of addressing uncomfortable emotions and developing a more nuanced understanding of the mind in order to improve relationships and achieve a more fulfilling life. It emphasizes the need to sit with uncomfortable emotions rather than numbing them, and suggests that this is a trait that needs to be developed in order to achieve a meaningful life. The speakers also touch on the importance of integrating individual and relational thinking and addressing the impact of cultural and societal factors on relationships.